Unforgiving expectations

Ok, I have a giant vial of truth serum in my hand and I need someone other than me to drink it, right NOW.

I'm cruising online, checking out what other people out there are saying about Third Wave Feminism. Generally, it's pretty general; nothing too proactive, no one really doing anything too major or making any bold statements about the dire state of feminism, yada, yada, yada...

UNTIL. Until I come across a particular article, an interview with two authors of a book known as Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism, and the Future. I read on with curiousity and ended up being disappointed and rather pissed off by the time I got done. The book was written by Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards in 2000, and is supposed to be some major feminist overhaul of the state of feminism from the 5 years previous to the publishing of the book.

The interview is a bit lengthy, so it gave me a lot to digest. Right off the top, however, I realized that these two women, who apparently "both got their start at Ms. magazine", were the perfect specimens to dissect, to really analyze and take a good look at what was so utterly WRONG and lacking in third wave feminism, and in our fucked up whitey mainstream culture in general.

First of all, they essentially describe the modern form of feminism, or "Third Wave Feminism", as being a struggle between two supposed complete binary opposites: Second Wave feminists interested in issues like politics, culture, women other than American white women, and economics, while the younger, more modern feminists are more interested in....wait for it....sex. Yep. Sex. Sure, they care about important "stuff" like the second-wavers do, but they also want to "reclaim their femininity".

THIS is exactly what I am talking about here, people. THIS is the bullshit that some specific so-called third wave feminists are spouting, making the rest of us look bad. Apparently, the big issue is sex, sex, sex. What the fuck is "reclaiming your femininity", anyways? (Not only that, but the idea of "reclaiming" anything is a lame-ass, self-help, new age catch phrase that has been used to describe and promote everything from femininity to racial slurs to gratuitous materialism.) Well, according to the Richards and Baumgardner interview, it basically means co-opting what men have already defined as feminine and pretending it's your own. Yay!!!

Wow, I have, like, been waiting for this, for like, so long! Now I can go out and, like, keep on perpetuating, like, negative stereotypes based on, like, male fantasy and desire, but pretend that it's, like, FOR ME and BY ME, because I am, like, totally "reclaiming" it. Good lord....save us all.

Fuck "reclaim"!! How about "reinvent"? What the fuck happened to that? Did everyone just leave that poor little word behind? Hello ladies, not everyone who is female is "feminine" according to your fucking guidelines, and not even half of them want to be the "feminine" you claim is so empowering. What about bull dykes in leather? Think they wanna totally, like, reclaim their femininity? By perpetuating this idea that there is ONE femininity and ONE kind of female, you are pigeon-holing every other woman out there in the world who is not, and has no desire to be, that "kind of female". How about....maybe....just maybe....COMPLETELY doing away with the whole issue of defining what feminine is?? There's a concept, although admittedly an extremely hard one to grasp and actually bring to fruition.

Now, don't get me wrong. I realize I come off very harsh sometimes. I'm ok with that. But don't take it the wrong way. The article had some good things to say, at some points. But I'm not here to talk about that, because that's not my concern. My concern is the next generation. My concern is my younger sister, an 18 year old female living in the 21st century, being subjected to all of these third wave idiots and the ideas they're forming based on looking at my little sister's generation. (Thankfully, however, my little sister is nothing like a Barbie and is quite unique and intelligent, not valuing shit like thinness or image...she was one of the lucky ones, like me, lucky to have such a strong mother...) but I digress....

This was the worst part:

"In our chapter on girlie culture, "Barbie vs. the Menstrual Kit," we argue that young women's primary expression these days is a joy and ownership of sexuality, and that's a form of power, a type of energy. "

K, great. Sounds good.....NO!! It sounds fucking AWFUL!! Why?? Why does this keep happening? Why are we again defining ourselves via sexuality, and pretending it's empowering? It's NOT!! Sexuality is NOT empowering when it is based solely on male desire, male fantasy, and male-created stereotypes of women and their bodies. THIS is supposed to be a young girl's primary form of expression??? In case you haven't noticed, girls are starting to have sex younger and younger, before their little bodies are even mature enough to handle the physical action of sex itself. Sex is bombarding females from an extremely young age, creating unforgiving expectations of what men desire and what women should live up to, and it's only getting worse as time goes on. Worst of all, it makes girls think that being nonchalant about sex and sexuality is cool, hip and modern, and allows for no value or appreciation of themselves, their other life interests besides sex, and their personal feelings about sex. Giving in to these expectations that have been perpetuated for centuries is not empowerment. It's weakness in the guise of "reclaiming our femininity". We are not doing things our own way, we're doing things their way, and we're not fooling anyone, especially not men.

If you really want sexuality to be about joy and ownership, then learn to respect how powerful sex is, and what a major effect it can and does have on people's lives. All too often now I find that sex is trivialised, it's made out to seem like it's so much less than it is, so much less significant, or important, or complicated as hell. Like that fucking TV show "Sex and the City", which, for the record, I despise for that reason, (and also the awful writing and the corny, stiff delivery of cheeseball dialogue).

Young women and girls should be taught that forms of expression can be sexual, but they don't always have to be. And sometimes, they just shouldn't. In fact, if it's for someone else's benefit, following someone else's expectations, and let's face it, most of the time it is, we should be discouraging it. I don't want to limit myself to only being able to express myself through sexuality.

How about the TV lesbian epidemic? Can it get much worse than that? The only gay men you see on television are either on decorating shows or shows that are specifically about gay men. But lesbians!! They got at least one fucking lesbian character on every damn TV show out there right now. Lesbians are so much more socially acceptable, and why? Because men are so comfortable with lesbians! Hell, they love those darn, little lesbians! It's just another way of making women feel like they're "in on it", they've been accepted into the prestigious "men only" club; they're still subservient to these men, and providing them with their desires with little to no regard for themselves, but hell!! If they feel wanted and included, they can just forget all about that. But more on that later.....

I appreciate you letting me rant.